<meta name='google-adsense-platform-account' content='ca-host-pub-1556223355139109'/> <meta name='google-adsense-platform-domain' content='blogspot.com'/> <!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(https://www.blogger.com/static/v1/v-css/navbar/3334278262-classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> </head><body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/24511591?origin\x3dhttp://burpfactor.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

facebook

♡ I'm not sorry for the things you think I should be sorry of
Wednesday, February 09, 2011, 9:38 PM
Idk why, how, when, exactly when did I became like this. Its just this tiredness, this feeling of being so exhausted it consumes you from the inside out. Its like wanting to be at some place one second, then not the next. Its like being split into so many parts and not knowing which to follow, which to pick up and which to let go. Its like wanting to run, to run away from everything and leave everything behind and never look back, and then rushing back to square one.
Its like wanting to trust in whatever people say again, to just plainly trust them and take their words at face value, but I just can't. I don't know how I can't, I tried to just trust, but I can't. Its like doubts automatically form and I can't even shake them off. I don't want to be like this, do you know? I didn't want the past to let it become a part of me, to scar me, I didn't want this, I didn't want to become like that. Do you know doubting is hard? It takes a toll, everything, by everyone, just seems to be lies layered with lies then iced with lies. And then maybe not. See? And sometimes I just wish to not even exist you know, so I won't have feelings, and so I won't feel pain, and so I ... won't be like this.
And I guess sometimes people forget that I too have feelings, and .. Idk how but somehow, its always being crushed on. I could rip my heart out on a silver platter and give it to people with both hands, and still, there would be something to criticize on, to fault on. I'm not saying its always the fault of others, but its just that I can't see where I'm headed right now, and I don't know where this will take me. And then there was loneliness which drove that dagger, in that already torn heart, deeper with a hard shove. I thought I was stronger, but I wasn't. Its just..being so needy of everyone when no one needs you.
If I don't show my feelings would things have been better? If I just obscured some part I could take it all back. But I can't have it back, and I don't want it back. I don't want to always be the one trying, crying. I get tired too. I have feelings too. Sometimes, a little bit goes a long way. I just want to be appreciated, little things, big things. Remembered, little things, big things. When you've been let go of so many times, you can't remember what it feels like to be held on. Idk how I feel, and its like being in a labyrinth with a blindfold. I shouldn't cry anymore I know, but what if the tears don't stop flowing?