Last night sucks. I cant freaking go to sleep and insomnia is the lousiest shit really. And well maybe I hv myself to blame, thinking too much, thinking what if you dont value this as much as I do, that you dont worry over us as much as I will, that I'm the only one trying to make ammendments, it hurts so bad. And then thinking that I didnt know my place, that I was never the one in your heart all this time, that I've been too naiive from the start, it could have killed me, I swear. Two different things that I thought wouldnt affect me, just did. The latter used to overwhelm me, now the first is killing me without the latter smothering me any less. Strong fronts hurt so much, when acting becomes redundant, when you lose a reason to hold on, to fight on, you just let go. When too close a distance becomes a bad thing, maybe you should back away, to make it less painful when you rely less. But how can you take something out of an equation just like that? It doesnt happen. I dont think it does.
So the only solution is to continue to act? I've grown so weary. But acting, it shouldnt be a problem, I dont think you even know what I'm talking about here, but its okay, maybe I wont be making amendments, maybe I wont be thinking about this, maybe not anymore would I be losing sleep over this. Maybe, just maybe, I could be as strong as I really appear to be, just a little maybe.
/And now I cant walk, I cant talk anymore since you walked out that door.