So, 2009's here. Frankly, not in the least bit excited at all. But ohwell, lets hope its gonna be a better year than 2008. I realised a few important concepts/points on the first day of 209. First, you cant trust anyone anymore, no matter how trustworthy they appear to be, no matter how nice and sincere they seem to be, you just cant. If you do, you'll shatter your own heart when you realise that in actual fact, no one's been supporting you all along. You'll be all alone, then you'll realise you trusted again, you deceived yourself again, you became un-cynical again, you became fearless again. Well, this happened to me just yesterday and last few weeks of december. You gave your trust to them, did they give it back? Did they support you when you were about to shatter? Did they? They didnt. You were left to crumble to floor, where nobody cared even if you fell into a hundred million pieces. Taking sides? It happens everywhere, its just a matter of whether how clearly you observe it to be appearng as. And then sometimes, you forget. You trust again, you forgive. Then you get hurt again. This time your battered heart takes yet another slash. But strangely, no blood oozes out, yet you feel the pain all the same. Maybe its because you've learnt to be accustomed to it all, but how come you still feel the pain? You swear to move out someday, when you've finally come of age, when control is no longer another cruel word of reality to rein you into the hands of sadness and be tormented by anger. To someplace where I can start afresh you say. You nod to yourself. You hope for this day for years, until finally, the day has come when no strings are attached to your purses anymore. You're free. But will you make the same mistake again of looking back, turning around and wondering if you have made the right choice? Will be soft hearted again? Its for the best you say to the voice inside your heart. "I need to be free. Its my life." And honestly, my heart's been battered to a thousand pieces, dried til its shrivelled. They ask me how's life, and they dont know that question is the hardest of all to answer. Life? My life hasnt even started yet. This is all just the preceding part, where I prepare myself to get out of this place when I'm finally born into this world. New environment? I dont think it'll be that hard to adjust. Even it is, I dont care. Its gonna be better than here I believe. A new beginning, dont we all need it? Its getting harder amdnd harder by every passing second to be here with these people. Its sickening to even be here. He is sickening. Her protectiveness over him is even more disgusting. And the other's acted ignorance is making my blood boil. This is not a home. This is a slump. I dont know why the heck I am here. I will not apologise are you freaking mad? I dont need to talk to him, he's no god, so whats the fuss about? Its sickening to even mention his my dad. Are you freaking kidding, heaven must be playing a trick on me. Rebirth, I would kill for it. For a new beginning, for a new start.

Labels: We're through.